Not What I Expected

This past year has been a challenge. Sometimes, it is a huge grace that we can’t see too far ahead of us. If I knew what the year would be like last September, I would be very discouraged. Many artistic plans and visions did not come to fruition like I thought. I had hoped to find a mentor in New York, to be published in a magazine, have more paid gigs. In other art forms, I had hoped to dance more or have taken an improv comedy class. Financially, I hoped to paid off my credit card debt, accumulated out of necessity. I’ve done these things but I can count on one hand about how many.

But, the things I can say that I’m thankful for are the people who have stood by me and encouraged me to pursue the things I do have control over. Here are some things that I am grateful to say they happened;

• For six months, I went sugar free, lost a few pounds and encountered fewer headaches.
• I achieved my reading goal of two books a month.
• I took so many photos including a dream trip to Maine, my little sisters wedding and various New York adventures.
• I filled three journals.
• I joined a bible study.
• I attended weddings and parties as an honored guest.

These are not typical New York success stories but who said they had to be? It’s a daily pressure to fight against. The pressure of feeling like I’m not doing enough, networking enough, working hard enough. I’m in a prime location, prime age to live the most successful life. I don’t know what’s next but I am resting in knowing that my plans are not mine, but are according to a higher plan. Nothing is a mistake and all will work out for good.

The most consoling thing for me is that I have beautiful products of time; photos, journals and now a sketchpad I started to document the sights I see.